Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Checking my motives, damn it.

Time for a pop quiz. Multiple choice, of course:
This past weekend I attended a recovery-related function out of town, because I’m the representative for my organization. The host hotel was a fancy new Marriott, and my home group was perfectly happy to pay for a room there. I stayed at the Red Roof Inn instead. Why?

(a) I didn’t see the point in making my organization pay $100 a night when I could be perfectly comfortable for $50.
(b) To prove how wonderful I am.
(c) Because I have a death wish.
(d) Because I consider martyrdom a character asset.
(e) Because I didn’t want to be around all those recovering fools.
(f) All of the above.
I thought it was (a). Then someone pointed out how fabulously wonderful I am for saving my organization the money. That’s when I realized I wasn’t so wonderful after all. In about one second flat, I went from being Mother Teresa to Ann Coulter. (I don't know. She's just the most evil female I could think of.)

In fact, the correct answers are (a), (b), and (d). My motives were bad. And good. And, well, all over the place.

Surprisingly, (e) didn’t play into it at all. I like all those recovering fools. Okay. Most of them.

I’m no more wonderful – and no less wonderful, either – than anyone else. I like accolades but I also don’t mind a little pity now and then. All right, a lot of pity. Bring it on, honey.

The reason I am writing this post, of course, is because I want the world (all six of you!) to see how wise and well I am. And because it’s important to my recovery. And because I’m in denial about being self-centered. And because I like the attention I get when I say I have a blog. And…

Like I said.

3 comments:

  1. Have you considered that you might just be human?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well said Fat-old-artist!

    ReplyDelete