(The impound-yard guy got Clarence started after a battery jump, and helpfully instructed me to keep a screwdriver with me to turn the car on and off. I declined, and had poor Clarence towed to the nearest dealership).
In addition to the ignition, the little creeps broke the lock on the trunk, poked a bunch of holes in the back seat, sliced off some of the vinyl and padding on a rear door panel, pried off the fancy "INTREPID" letters on the back, and just generally insulted Clarence's pride in a hundred other little ways.
By far the most interesting bit of vandalism, though, has to do with my bumper-stickers. I have two. One says, "Happy Naked Pagan Dance." The thieves were apparently fine with that one because they left it alone.
The other, though, is a rainbow smiley face, and that one didn't fare so well. It seems being a hoodlum, even a dancing, earth-worshipping-in-your-birthday-suit kind of hoodlum, is considered socially acceptable. But being gay? God forbid!
Hence, the following message fail:
I AM NOT GAY.