Saturday, June 25, 2011

Lazy-Ass Librarian Saturday: Cars are still easy.

I'm in the middle of moving. I'm worn out, excited, overwhelmed, scared, and relieved. Mostly, right now, worn out. So I'm re-posting an excerpt from a post I did waaaay back in 2005. You read. I'll pack. Later we'll talk.

Cars are easy.

 I’ve been noticing lately how rarely I get to share my wisdom with others, and I do have so much to share. Since I could get hit by a truck tomorrow, I think I had better gift it to you here and now. I’ll begin with cars, since – as you will see – I have a lot of experience, strength and hope on the subject.

1. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to put diesel gas in a regular-gas automobile. You just have to try inserting the nozzle from a few different angles, and push and push on it until it finally goes in. Then, you have to hang on tight so it doesn't pop itself back out.

Huh... Sounds a lot like my first marriage.

2. If you suddenly pull the gas nozzle out of your car (say, because you realize you shouldn't be putting diesel in your tank), it’s really best to shut the nozzle off first.

3. It’s important to maintain your car on a regular basis, but for God's sake, don't go to extremes. Take brakes, for example: The dealership would like you to think the brakes should be replaced as soon as they start to squeal. Cow muffins! Here's what you do instead: Wait for the brakes to make a horrible grinding noise. That's when you're getting close. Now, start watching for a big round hunk of metal to fall off of your car. That’s when you’ll know it’s time to replace the brakes.*

Oh, there are plenty more tips I could give you, but sharing these pearls has left me drained. I must rest now while I await further inspiration.

* Uh, don't try this at home.

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