Cars are Easy

I’ve been noticing lately how rarely I get to share my wisdom with others. Since I could get hit by a truck tomorrow, I think I had better share it here and now. I’ll begin with cars, since – as you will see – I’ve learned quite a lot about them over the years.
1. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to put diesel gas in a regular-gas automobile. You just have to try inserting the nozzle at a few different angles, and push and push on it until it finally goes in. Then hang on tight so it doesn't fall out.... Huh... Sounds a lot like my first marriage.
2. If you suddenly pull the gas nozzle out of your car (say, because you realize you’re accidentally putting diesel in your tank), it’s best to shut the nozzle off. Otherwise, the gasoline pours out very, very fast.
3. It’s important to maintain your car on a regular basis, without going to extremes. Take brakes, for example: The dealership would like you to think you should replace the brakes when they start to squeal. Poppycock! Wait for a horrible grinding noise every time you brake; that's when you're getting close. Don't panic, though. Start watching for a big hunk of metal to fall off of your car. That’s when you’ll know it’s time to replace the brakes.
4. Back to gassing up your car…If you drive off without taking the nozzle out, not to worry; the hose will disconnect from the pump and fly right along after you.
Oh, there are plenty more tips I could give you, but sharing these pearls has left me drained. I must rest now.