All About Rats

Namely, we have them. In the library.

Now I actually happen to like rats just fine. They're smart, they can be entertaining, and even the ones that aren't so entertaining have their place.

But not in my library.

And oh, yeah...we discovered some rodents in here, too. Poor little guys.

You see, the Party-Rats of the First Part -- namely a bunch of rude and thoughtless first-year students -- have been smuggling in pizza, bagels, hamburgers, candy, chips, and assorted other yummy items into the library despite our many signs, announcements, pleas, and threats .... thereby inviting the Party-Rats of the Second Part -- namely a family of rodents -- to partake of the feast.

Which, much to my dismay, has prompted the maintenance guy to take certain necessary, but extremely unpleasant, actions against the truly blameless Rats of the Second Part.

As if that weren't enough, the Rats of the First Part are highly cannibalistic this year. They're just wearing out their tiny little brains looking for ways to disembowel their littermates: Hiding resources, tearing pages out of books! (I'm getting faint just thinking about it), verbally attacking each other on the course websites, and generally being, well, complete assholes.

Bring me a humane traps for the rodents. But bring me leg traps for the students!

And in case it needs to be said (which it does, or I wouldn't be saying it): ATTENTION. When I refer to the Party-Rats of the First Part I am referring only to the nasty law students. I am not -- I repeat, I am not -- referring to all law students or even all 1Ls.

But if the ears fit....