Dear Fucking Assholes:
Thanks a whole bunch for stealing our stuff. And for breaking our window. We will certainly miss our televisions and computers. I know we were lucky to have them as long as we did. And it is just stuff, after all. And no animals were hurt.
I do wonder why you stripped the bed and took the sheets and mattress pad. Not to mention the sheet on the couch. It all needed to be washed anyway. Perhaps you're allergic to pet hair. I'd like to think so.
Anyway, I hope that you both got big~ass hernias from carrying the big tv and the desktop computers. Yeah. One of those really bad hernias. And I hope you dropped all our shit on your toes.
Oh, and by the way, you know my kid, whose art and college admission essays were on the computer you stole? And whose Nintendo you took? She hopes you both get crabs.
So anyway, thanks for just totally making our day, you stupid fucks.
Oh MY. I actually love this posting, but hate the circumstances. I'm glad you got to vent, at least. Thank goodness for blogging. And I hope Lizzy is swept up in a similar creative/angry phase that makes her new essays even better than the last.
ReplyDeleteTwo years after my bicycle, (and my means of transportation) was stolen, I still wonder if my equally vehement sentiment struck down the person who took my bike and if they have since been unable to ever ride one again...
ReplyDeleteFor the both of you, I put it out there too: I hope they get CRABS too.
I will never forget the first time that the house we were renting was robbed. Well, almost robbed. It was in the '70s and we were fairly young. We had just moved into that house. Our first child was still a little kid. We came back from grocery shopping and found all our stuff packed in boxes in the living room. Even the puppy we had just bought that day for a Christmas present for our son was in a box. It was weirdly disorienting, we had just unpacked everything and now it was all in boxes again. I felt really confused for a minute, then logic set in as I realized that there was no way in heck we had put the puppy in that box. About then, Dave raced through the kitchen into the back yard as he realized that the would be thieves had run out the back door as we came in the front. Lucky for them, they ran like the wind. We moved back out shortly after, because we were worried about our kid's safety in the neighborhood. I wish I could say it was the last time we were robbed, but it wasn't so.... ~Bea
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