I’m trying to make a tough, but happy, decision. I need cheaper digs, so I’m deciding whether to rent or buy a house. I love looking for houses, so this has the potential to be really fun.
Here’s the thing, though: I’m very, very good at self-sabotage, which unfortunately likes to dress itself up as rational decision-making.
My mother used to say, “Some of us are sicker than others, and it’s not always the other guy.” Well, that would be me. I pretty much wrecked my life emotionally and financially a few years back, and it’s taken well over two years just to get my lifeboat turned right-side-up and aimed in the right direction. I’m only just now starting to paddle forward. Naturally, then, I’m rather anxious to avoid recreating The Titanic.
As I was talking all this over with a good friend yesterday, he gave me this simple prayer to use:
Bless it or block it.
If I’m making is the right decision, let it all fall into place seamlessly. If it’s wrong, throw a bunch of crap in the way. Better yet, if it’s wrong, make it impossible.
This little prayer is perfect for me. It reminds me that I can be really, really stupid about some things. It reminds god (whatever the hell that is, as if it needed any kind of reminding) that I’m none too smart and when the message comes it needs to be in extra-large print and in block letters.
God, bless it or block it. Make it obvious even to me, because that’s the only way I’m going to get it. Otherwise I will spend all my energy trying to pound that square peg of a house (or girlfriend or car or horse or whatever) into this round hole of a life. Save me from myself.
God, bless it or block it. Aim the car in the right direction. When I think I’ve made a wrong turn (whether literally or figuratively), remind me that this could be just the turn I need to find the gift. Remind me that this is an adventure, and I’m allowed to have some fun watching it unfold. Remind me that if it’s taking a while, it’s because the gift isn’t ready yet.
Over my years in recovery I’ve experienced it over and over again: if I do the footwork and I’m open-minded, honest, and willing, the Universe conspires in my favor. The right solution appears in front of me. So much so, in fact, there’s a pretty good chance I’ll trip over it.
I don't understand how or why it works, but it does. And for that I am very grateful.