That is not my experience. For me, Thanksgiving is chaos and strangers and football and extreme cooking anxiety. It's an event to be endured and survived. A typical Thanksgiving is this autistic introvert's nightmare.
My idea of the perfect Thanksgiving? No more than four or five people. We eat out so nobody has to work very hard (and we tip extremely well), and then maybe we go to a movie. Quiet and intimate. Calm. Ordered.
Other than the eating out part, that was pretty much the plan this year. Fly to Atlanta to see my kid and her dad and her fiancee and spend Thanksgiving with them. Pretty perfect.
But Covid.
So I'm alone this year. We'll zoom tomorrow, and I'm sure that will be wonderful, albeit weird. And I'll talk to my brother too. It'll be fine.
But tonight I just feel hollow, dark, and restless. And afraid, because some scary medical stuff is happening to Fina - I may need to get her to the emergency vet tomorrow.
I miss my mom. I could use a cigarette. And a nice buzz sounds pretty good, too. A stinger, maybe, or some 151 rum. Something that'll burn a little going down.
(Which is why I went to a meeting this evening, okay?)
It's Thanksgiving and I'm not okay. But what I am is sober, and I'm in bed and getting sleepy, so I have accomplished the only essential thing I really needed to do today. Tomorrow may feel better, or maybe not, but I'll wake up with no regrets.
That alone gives me plenty to be thankful for. So I'm hanging on to that.
Have a safe Thanksgiving and enjoy it in a way that works for you. I love you all.
I feel you, Lynn. I’ve never been a fan of this holiday but there’s a raw edge to it this year. Hearts across the internet for now and you’re not alone in spirit.
ReplyDeleteI am here if you need to talk, my friend. I miss you.
ReplyDeleteThat comment isne, Branwen
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