AA as patriarchy?

Recently the New York Times ran an opinion piece by Holly Whitaker, a recovering alcoholic, titled "The Patriarchy of AA." Whitaker has been sober since 2013, but she didn't get sober through AA. As a woman in a male-dominated society, she already lacked power and had always been expected to accept things unquestioningly. A 12-step program, then, was the last thing she needed, and so she found sobriety another way.

Her thesis is that the twelve steps, formed within a patriarchical culture, are best designed to break down white male privilege, but can be destructive for women.

Whitaker is careful to point out that AA does work for many people, including many women. But she challenges the assumption that there is only one way to get sober.

And on that point she is absolutely right.

Earlier in my sobriety I felt really threatened by criticism of 12-step programs. For me, it was Stanton Peele's insistence that alcoholism is not a disease and that moderate drinking is an appropriate goal for alcoholics.

Peele's assertions scared me. What if he was right? What if this miraculous new life was an illusion, a mirage, and it would come crashing down because it never really worked to begin with?

Old timers assured me that any alcoholic who tried moderate drinking would fail.

But... what?

Many times I've heard people smugly predict that someone is going to drink again because they're not working the program the "right" way. I've done it myself. Even the founders were guilty of it, bemoaning the fact that an atheist was staying sober month after month.  "When, oh when is that guy going to get drunk?"

It's like we want them to fail. But do we, really? Would we rather the person die of alcoholism than demonstrate that there are other roads to recovery? I certainly hope not.

I no longer freak out if I read something heavily critical of 12-step recovery. I just remind myself that it's right for me. For all I know, it may be the only thing that works for me, so I'm disinclined to experiment. But AA as an organization has never claimed to have a monopoly on sobriety.

Criticism is nothing to be afraid of. It doesn't diminish my recovery in any way, as long as I keep doing what works for me. Recovery is not a zero sum game.

And if someone else finds a different road to recovery?

It means they get a second shot at life, too. And that's worth celebrating.