Stopped in at my local Kroger's today, trying to stall the inevitable (coming to work). I came across what I presume is one of Jeff Foxworthy's new books, Redneck Extreme Mobile Home Makeover. Not surprisingly, it's full of "you might be a redneck if...." comments.
Seeing as I'm supposed to be a writer and all, I decided to use his book as a prompt. So here's my list. By the way, I didn't read the whole book, so if I accidentally repeat one Foxworthy has already done, it's completey by accident.
1. You might be a redneck if you have flypaper hanging from your rear-view mirror.
2. You might be a redneck if taking a bath involves baby wipes.
3. You might be a redneck if you use pliers to change the channel on your TV.
4. You might be a redneck if you have named the mice under your bathroom sink.
5. You might be a redneck if your first words when you get home every night are, "Hello, Gnome!"
6. You might be a redneck if the price of your house is spray-painted on the kitchen window.
7. You might be a redneck if your house came with a stick-on level.
8. You might be a redneck if your favorite piece of art involves a sports drink.
9. You might be a redneck if your last wardrobe splurge was a pair of dress shoes for $19.99.
Now, I'm not saying I'm a redneck, but I must confess that four of the items on this list do describe me. Not that I'm about to say which ones!
My mom once said, "You might be a redneck if you lock your car when you attend family functions!"
ReplyDeleteCato, you got me good! Brian, so far I don't have that problem but it's mostly because my family is in another state. Thanks, both of you, for your comments.
ReplyDeleteOk, so maybe I should start calling myself the Subversive Redneck Librarian?
"You might be a redneck if you lock your car when you attend family functions!"
ReplyDeleteOr if, as in my case, you consider a family gathering a success if no one gets shot.
Read by Bea.
ReplyDelete