Thursday, October 27, 2005

Hey, wait a minute, I'm describing myself...

Stopped in at my local Kroger's today, trying to stall the inevitable (coming to work). I came across what I presume is one of Jeff Foxworthy's new books, Redneck Extreme Mobile Home Makeover. Not surprisingly, it's full of "you might be a redneck if...." comments.

Seeing as I'm supposed to be a writer and all, I decided to use his book as a prompt. So here's my list. By the way, I didn't read the whole book, so if I accidentally repeat one Foxworthy has already done, it's completey by accident.

1. You might be a redneck if you have flypaper hanging from your rear-view mirror.

2. You might be a redneck if taking a bath involves baby wipes.

3. You might be a redneck if you use pliers to change the channel on your TV.

4. You might be a redneck if you have named the mice under your bathroom sink.

5. You might be a redneck if your first words when you get home every night are, "Hello, Gnome!"

6. You might be a redneck if the price of your house is spray-painted on the kitchen window.

7. You might be a redneck if your house came with a stick-on level.

8. You might be a redneck if your favorite piece of art involves a sports drink.

9. You might be a redneck if your last wardrobe splurge was a pair of dress shoes for $19.99.


Now, I'm not saying I'm a redneck, but I must confess that four of the items on this list do describe me. Not that I'm about to say which ones!

5 comments:

  1. You might be a redneck if when you remove your bra hay falls out of it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My mom once said, "You might be a redneck if you lock your car when you attend family functions!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cato, you got me good! Brian, so far I don't have that problem but it's mostly because my family is in another state. Thanks, both of you, for your comments.

    Ok, so maybe I should start calling myself the Subversive Redneck Librarian?

    ReplyDelete
  4. "You might be a redneck if you lock your car when you attend family functions!"

    Or if, as in my case, you consider a family gathering a success if no one gets shot.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bernice Stelle Autumn Drake4:25 AM

    Read by Bea.

    ReplyDelete